YoungHeart1980!

I hope everyone is doing okay.

I am worried, fighting hard, and trying to persevere. I don’t know how long this will continue. I have to find a way to step back, but I get pulled right back in because there’s so much reliance on me and creates a lot of work. I get lost and focused that I started to skip breaks and lunch most days just telling myself I’ll do this one more thing and then I will finish and hours go by before I realize it’s gone too far. I might look strong on the outside, but I’m breaking down on the inside. I had to fight my through this week, weak and burnt out. This week was also when I started pushing back as well on tasks that are not mine and one particular team has to start pulling their own weight.

Monday with staff time, effort reports, and Thursday the MD was upset because a task had been lingering for 3 months. Despite the MD giving a directive that his assistant did not belong on his research accounts the department administrative team didn’t complete the task and no action was taken. I had that administrative team trying not to accept the costs and all 5 staff stood up to me. I was asked to join the call and I back the MD with very specific details and why the person does not belong on two research projects, the person is not allowed the person is not a research staff! The MD told them to get the person off and he did not want to talk about the topic again. LOL! 😆 MD ”SE” basically told the administrative team to pick up the “tab” or costs. He can’t possibly pay for everyone. I got off the call once that was handled, it’s really not my job and between 5 people they couldn’t figure it out.

I had a pretty calm day, I did not take any other meetings on purpose so I could catch up on my own work. I received a gift card from the sponsor for completing my first year at this organization. She couldn’t imagine the gift card came at the right moment. It made my day. Honestly I shed tears. I called the sponsor and thanked her. People here ignore me and my efforts are not acknowledged. I feel like an outsider. I handle 95% of the work on my own. It’s like isolation and I’m not friends with any of them because I’m sure they would say harsh things about me personally and they already do professionally.

Director 1 sent me a Teams message, answered her questions and told her I would fulfill her request on Monday. I shut down and went to lay down and also begin to heal and do some self-care. I feel as if I hadn’t gotten off the treadmill since day 1 that I started working here. All the Best!