YoungHeart1980!

I hope everyone is doing okay. I have to think after the conversation that took place today is it so bad enough for me to leave or stay? It has been too much to bear that finally brought me to tears of worry and stress and I can’t write about it anymore I finally spoke about it.

I’m on probation at the moment through 8/23/24. I was told prior already that I was not eligible for a merit raise and I was okay with that due to the timing of my arrival. I followed up about the response I received via email yesterday because I was not happy. I didn’t want to have a zoom call or email response. I had a face-to-face conversation with the supervisor.

Began the conversation with sharing I invested so much to the work and for her not to even consider a bonus which my understanding was at the discretion of the department. I was told that I wasn’t eligible once again because I am on probation. The supervisor tried to cut me off and I asked her to let me finish my thoughts. She has been disingenuous to allow me to sit here and endure endless stress just to tell me my efforts are not reciprocated. I didn’t know the dynamic and the stress coming on board otherwise I would’ve re-considered. I came here undervalued, unknowingly. She explained to me she didn’t know how I thought I would get a bonus. She could’ve fought for me but didn’t. She shared with me that she has a pending meeting with the higher ups and would want to raise my salary and a bonus.

Well, well, now that I spoke up, she is now trying to also get me a bonus too along with a salary raise. She also mentioned she didn’t want to say anything to me because if everything was rejected, she didn’t want me to think I would get anything. What!? What if it’s not what I wanted and if nothing was approved, she would’ve not said anything to me and allowed me to continue to sit here under stressful situations? Wow! I have to be able to take the good with the good and bad with the bad. At least if she was openly communicating her intentions, I would’ve believed she had good intentions. There is no trust, that’s gone. She began to tell me that come next year she intended to seek the maximum and I immediately cut her off. “No, I’m not addressing the future, not sure where I’ll be. I’m not committing to anything.”

She was not aware and which I also didn’t address with her that she had given herself a bonus while on probation. I do my research. She took care of herself of getting a bonus and this explained to me it can be done at the discretion of the department. I know she didn’t fight for me and for that I will reassess while on vacation and when I come back, I’ll determine whether I will apply to move on to another department. I feel at the moment this is not my place and not the people I should be around. All the Best!