YoungHeart1980!

I hope everyone is doing okay. I’m growing, learning, and demonstrating to myself I can. I was going through this weird couple days of non-action, procrastination, and avoidance. It was too involved in my emotions. I felt drained and ready to give up. I couldn’t get my mind and work right. Today, I came out of whatever it was that was holding me back. I did meditate last night, pray, and burned a healing candle. I am on catch up mode now. Not sure what came over me.

I started on adjusting budgets for others to post expenses and avoid postings to fail. A young lady went straight to the administrator about hers not posting and I saw her today. She couldn’t even look at me to my face. I said good morning. I am able to observe why she shy’s away from looking at me. Her email was forwarded to me of her complaint. She could’ve come directly to me. I just came out of being so much in my head thinking how I can move forward, I couldn’t see the way because of the so many challenges I have to face head-on. Now I am back, focused and ready to persevere once again.

I am capable and not listening to the critics, the gossip, and attempts to put me down. I am only one person, they can’t do what I do and problem-solve on their own. I tore through my own limiting self-beliefs that I am not cut out for this. I can’t let these critics to fill my mind and allow them to make me carry their frustrations with me. “PEI” as I call her comes in my office playing victim and shares how stressed out she is and tells me she’s having difficulty with her excel pivot hoping I fall for her gimmick and help her. I told her I didn’t have time. She has plenty if she’s got her feet up on her desk and watching her soap operas with the door wide open with everyone to see.

Everything I do is trial and error because there’s no training here and no support. They still don’t know how I do it and still are mad. Crazy! They think doing nothing is doing something and hoping for a result. I keep going and leave the critics behind. I’ll take it as publicity, they know my name, good or bad gossip. I’m okay. I lived through my own crisis with no help and I work around a number of psychologists and psychiatrists. Not worth it looking back now. I do have a better understanding why I went through so much and continue to do the good work. I have been passed on for promotions, no raises many times, and not incentivized for filling roles as I am doing now that don’t even belong to me. Ignore the shade thrown at me and teach lessons as well. I’m a little bit of everything, but my silence bothers them, my actions speak louder. I have not wandered off to be anything else. I give everything of myself in everything I do and for many it’s just a paycheck.

HR had tasks to complete before I got on the call with them today. They had this information for weeks. They had to produce payroll reports for me so that I add my calculations and submit those to the sponsor for initiative turnover. Of the 2 HR people neither one bothered to provide the reports and wasted my time. I had to do their job. I shut both down and once again had no other choice but to do their job because my report is due tomorrow. Never worked in a department as slow and non-bothered, and hands off as this one. “Leave it to her, she will do it” attitude.

Slowly fading away. All the Best!