YoungHeart1980!

I hope everyone is doing okay. I couldn’t sleep after 4:20am. I felt like I couldn’t breathe, was I having anxiety or just nervous? I was up tossing and turning the rest of the time until I got up at 6:10am. I spoke to the hubby about it and I was having to breathe deeply to calm myself.

I had a feeling maybe that something might happen, but I was sure everything was okay. I sat in quiet for about 15 minutes. The time stopped and I forced it to stop because I wanted to calm down before I began to work. I prayed, sat quiet, and turned my candle on. As I reflect on the pressures of this week – this place has situations that need to be resolved and people that work here don’t seem to have an urgency to resolve them in my opinion. I appreciate I am not micromanaged. They seem to think that just because I was hired in a senior position that I should already know everything and that’s far from the truth.

People are honest and I’m okay with that. So, for someone to tell me their reasons for being controlling because that’s how they keep track of what is going on in their program, I get it. My question though how did it get out of control then if you’re the controlling type or was it the responsibility of someone else? Back to my feeling of anxiety…After my quiet time, prayer and breathing exercise I was able to focus on my work. The lack of air and nervousness began to dissipate.

I got on a call at 1:30pm to present the finance to one of the medical doctors about his project accounts and personnel. I felt that this was the 10th time to tell the same story. We were going through his accounts then we got to the problem accounts. “You really don’t have the budget you thought you had.” While I felt right about telling the truth and facts, I also felt bad watching him run his hand up and down his face, buried his face in his hand. There is no other way to say it or mitigate the situation. He commented the number of negative emails and missed an opportunity to get a new project that was rejected. With this he ended our meeting. I topped off his week with more bad news and I really felt bad for it.

I began to breathe easier, and relief set in. His frustration and worry I share with him, but I also have a responsibility as well to tell the truth. I’m going to commit to be sure he stays within the confines of his budget and do my job to the best of my ability. What a week! All the Best!