YoungHeart1980!

I hope everyone is doing okay. I took a couple days off to reset completely of mind, body, and heart. I want to let go and start over. Sometimes from the worst of our experience something better might come along?

I sit here thinking how many times over the years I have been behind investigators success and yet I don’t get paid or acknowledged accordingly and it didn’t matter before. I just got paid for it. It is sad that what I have already invested hasn’t served me well, but I have overlooked it because I really do like what I do. I, time and time again have accepted jobs that have not been easy. I have been the clean up employee for far too long. What does obstruct me from being who I am is the people I work for. I still kept going and didn’t look back.

The communication is key and actions of one person are different from when they are present in front of me. I am the same in any form. How do I move forward? I’m so lost…

The idea that I’m going to get paid and promoted is just that, an idea, it’s not everything, yet I’ve been told and nothing happens. Relationships and trust is everything to be happy at a job. Volunteer work is a scam here, you are not going to get anything out of it unless you really enjoy the reason you are giving up your time. It doesn’t interest me, I only do it because I was asked to and I can’t say no because I don’t want to ruin the relationship I already built. I realize they are only wanting to squeeze what they can out of me.

After my probation period I walked away with a 2% raise, but I did get a lot more work. I didn’t see it coming, but I went into month #7 of continued stress and long hours. The probation performance resulted with having to find something to improve when I have already received a performance of “exceeds expectations.” I had to come up with something else.

I put so much of myself, time and effort, and the sole person justifying and processing, working with others outside of the department with no support just using my experience only to keep some happy and others warm internally. It has been solely me in the trenches, not them. I’m going to continue in the trenches and subjecting myself to stress and it opened up for people that I work and see daily that I thought were supporting me only isolate me because of their old school mentality and envy. All the Best!